The Daily Orb reports news from the future; the distant and not-so-distant.
As shrewd entrepreneurs/journalists/students of divination, we noticed a gaping hole in the news industry. Any run of the mill journalist can report on events that have already happened and oddly enough that’s what most of these slackers do.
But where’s the coverage of the really interesting stuff? Where’s the coverage of tomorrow, today!? It, like the sasquach, did not exist. Until now. (The sasquach still does not exist, that was a poor analogy)
Our team of expertly trained future journalists work tirelessly to gaze ahead in time and provide the world a glimpse of what is to be so you can prepare or act accordingly. Some may view it as a noble endeavor (and we encourage you to tell us just how noble we are), but we simply view it as our duty to the community of the world.
But as with any great power comes great responsibility.
We will never use our powers of foresight for the financial benefit of anyone (although we can leak that The Daily Orb’s advertising space will be a hot commodity very, very soon…) nor will we use it for the personal interests of an individual (save for the upcoming seasons of Game of Thrones).
We are dedicated to shedding light on where it is darkest…the future. We hope you join us on this journey.
…This just in: you will.
Oh and don’t forget, satire is protected under the Amendment just before the one that lets you have bear arms.