Drumpf Rehabilitation Center in Chicago is ‘At Capacity’

Photo by Gage Skidmore

Chicago, Illinois – A Drumpf rehabilitation center in downtown Chicago was forced to turn away patients on Monday, after the institution’s Chief of Medicine told hundreds in its waiting room that the facility was “at capacity.” The center is the second institute of its kind in Chicago and the 70th nationwide to close its doors to patients in the past several months.

The rehab centers have been unable to keep up with demand, as thousands of adults classifying themselves as Drumpfectors, or defected supporters of former President Donald Drumpf (formerly known as Donald Trump), continue to seek a treatment proven to restore their basic cognitive functions, sensitivity to emotions, and the original volume of their voices.

Doctor Alejandro Martinez, the psychiatrist credited with discovering the treatment, told The Daily Orb that the conversion therapy’s method is remarkably simple, thanks to Drumpf’s catastrophic failure as President.

“Typically when rehabilitating someone it’s much harder because you have to psychologically break them first,” he said, “so initially we were worried, because leading up to his presidency, some people seemed so far gone they would have voted for him even if he shot them in the face, thankfully though, Drumpf’s utter failure as president seemed to break the spell so we didn’t have to.”

Martinez is likely referring to Drumpf’s three-month presidency, a self-destructive disaster which ended with his impeachment last week.

Washington, DC-based policy fellow at Brookings, Albert Brenson, says that Drumpf’s presidency finally provided a platform for people to see who he really is.

“I think a lot of people figured that his success would eventually take him to a level where his comments would seem less rooted in a specific ideology – the way Ted Cruz’s are – and more so in a desire to say whatever he could to get elected, unfortunately this level turned out to be the presidency.”

Drumpf’s 90 days in office were characterized by several situations in which the president displayed a lack of human decency and basic intelligence when responding to criticism.

In January 2017 he was hospitalized after entering a physical confrontation with the Chief of Staff of the Army who asked the then-president what he meant when he reportedly said “he would be so good at military he would make his head spin.”

Later that month he called CNN host Fareed Zakaria a “loser-sand-[expletive]” after Zakaria exposed the fact that Drumpf did not know the difference between Pakistan and Palestine.

During Drumpf’s second month in office he held a press conference following critical comments made by former UN secretary general, Ban Ki Moon, where he referred to the former UN chief as “a little Japanese bitch” who “can’t speak English.” Ban Ki Moon is Korean.

But Drumpf’s decision to invite former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke to the White House, an incident that many say was predictable, is what is believed to be what tipped the scales for impeachment proceedings.

Forty-three year-old James Harrington, a former Drumpf supporter who recently checked himself into a rehabilitation center in Atlanta, explained what finally broke him in an exclusive interview with The Daily Orb .

“Look, I don’t like foreigners, I don’t like Black people, and I just found out that Africa’s a continent, but I realized that the president needs to be at least a little smarter and a little less racist than I am,” he said.

“I mean that Man Chi Moon guy definitely is a little bitch, but if you’re the president, you have got to keep that stuff to yourself,” he concluded.