Firearms 101 Mandated in University of Texas Curriculum

AUSTIN, TX – Six months after passing the No Student Left Unarmed Act, Congress announced today that The University of Texas at Austin will be the first state educational institution to offer “Firearms 101” in its general curriculum.

The course, which is mandatory for all incoming freshmen, is seen as the first step to implementing similar programs in colleges and universities nationwide.

U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives spokesman Jim Beau stated, “This is a momentous step toward our goal of arming every single American, regardless of race, religion, or criminal background”.

The university also becomes the first state institution to join the Smith & Wesson Scholars Program, which will provide an M&P SHIELD™ pistol to all incoming freshmen. Supported by funding from the National Rifle Association (NRA), the Scholars Program aims to, “Defend American values and freedoms through convenience and accessibility”.

Smith & Wesson spokesperson Billy “Gunner” Wilson, “It is our distinct honor and privilege to partner with the NRA, who continues to provide hundreds of millions of dollars a year, er, I mean unparalleled support to federal officials in order to legislate important programs such as this.”

The University of Texas at Austin held a press conference this morning to introduce the program where President Remington Porter announced, “The State University of Austin Texas Faculty and Staff have worked tirelessly on rolling out a comprehensive curriculum. We are pleased to announce that former janitors and hunter enthusiast Buck Davidson and Earl Hyde will serve as adjunct professors.”

The Orb was provided an abridged copy of the course syllabus: