Man breaks 7 year-old’s nose at pop-up Christmas bar

Photo by David Zellaby

WASHINGTON, DC — A middle aged man broke a 7 year old boy’s nose after punching him in the face at a pop-up Christmas bar in Shaw’s Mockingbird Hill on Tuesday. The man, who was dressed as Santa Claus, a symbol of giving and kindness, hit the child after the boy accidentally knocked over his holiday-themed cocktail.

Mockingbird Hill, a sherry bar, typically observes the holiday season by transforming itself into “Miracle on 7th Street,” a Christmas-themed bar complete with seasonal drinks, iconic Christmas films, caroling, and weekly “ugly sweater” parties. Running in contradiction to the bar’s intended utopia of holiday cheer however, are the unruly and violent lines which stretch down seventh street and into the neighboring area of Bloomingdale. Customers in these lines donning reindeer ears and singing songs, often physically take out their parallel frustration with the wait on one another.

Even inside, the bar’s blissful scenes of a serene winter wonderland and the jolly chuckles of several fake Santas are eclipsed by customers shoving one another to get their hands on cocktails such as “the Mrs. Claus decks your balls” or “Santa’s Fanta.” According to Judd Michaelson, a bartender at Miracle on Seventh Street, who says its better known name among staff is Disaster on all Streets, the customer’s violence and irritability is not only a result of waiting in line, but also because it takes a minimum of two hours to prepare the holiday themed cocktails.

“That guy who punched the little boy, he just enough, you know?” said Michaelson. “I mean he waited outside in the frigid cold singing songs of love and joy for four hours and by the time he got his Mrs. Claus decks your balls we were closing.”

Michaelson, who is forced to spend the entire month of December in an elf costume, said he finds the contradiction between people’s obsession with holiday cheer and the violence stemming from the event alarming.

“The weird part is that the drinks and the experience aren’t even that enjoyable,” he added, explaining that 12 dollar holiday ale “is really just a Bud Light with a red wrapper around it,” and that cocktails take two hours to serve because staff must first prepare them and then watch the entirety of How the Grinch stole Christmas, before handing them to customers.

“I can’t figure out what’s bothering me more,” he lamented, “the fact that the Christmas spirit is yielding such cruelty or that people don’t realize they’re risking their lives for a substandard experience.”

Most customers however, seem oblivious to Michaelson’s reality.

Bill Franken, a young father in his early thirties told The Daily Orb while waiting in line today, that he wasn’t thinking much about the young boy’s death.

“Yea we heard about it,” said Franken, whose family of six wore matching elf outfits topped with construction helmets, “but we think it’s worth the risk, life is stressful, why sit at home with your loved ones when you can take part in such a wondrous experience together?”

Franken was later taken to the hospital when an altercation with a teenager who cut the line resulted in him being backhanded across the face with a stolen bag of change from the Salvation Army. The change was entirely comprised of pennies, and added up to roughly five dollars.