New Presidential Debate Format Includes Electric Nipple Shocks

Photo by Southern Arkansas University

WASHINGTON DC – For years the inaccuracy of comments by presidential candidates during both the primary and presidential debates has been the cause of public frustration.

Looking back, the campaign trail to the 2016 election was particularly rife with inaccuracies regarding Syrian refugees, Muslim attitudes toward 9/11 and violence, immigrant deportations, the (dead) president of Jordan and many more.

Presidential hopeful Donald Trump was even awarded fact-checking organization PolitiFact’s 2015 Lie of the Year award for not one but several of his multitude false statements made on the campaign trail.

As next year’s election creeps closer, steps have been taken to curtail this concerning trend as announced by the Commission on Presidential Debates, the forum’s governing body.

“We find that it’s in the best interest of the public if we incentivize the candidates to debate in a factual manner,” said Commission spokesperson Michele Miller at a press conference this morning, “the previous efforts seemed to have not been effective so we decided, [expletive] it, we’re going to attach electric charges to their nipples.”

The Electric Nipple Incentivizers (ENIs) have been designed to fasten securely to each candidates nipples and deliver a 300-volt charge of electricity for each claim deemed to be inaccurate.

The ENIs are controlled by PolitiFact who will be researching the claims in real time. The fact-checking watchdog has been informed by way of directive from the Commission on Presidential Debates that, “there is no limit to the number of shocks which can be administered.”

A handwritten note at the bottom of the directive instructed to organization to, “Fry the bastards.”

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