SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Over the past several weeks social media giant Twitter has rolled out its most recent and controversial feature to date; automatic tweets of the its users’ unconscious thoughts.
The feature utilizes Google Thought, the brain scanning technology called introduced by fellow tech giant Google in 2021, which gathers data from a small ‘micropatch’ placed behind the user’s right ear. Studies are still in progress on the long-term health implications of this revolutionary technology.
Both Google Thought and Unconscious Tweets are accompanied by a lengthy Terms & Conditions statement – the writer of this article started reading three days ago is currently halfway through.
“We think Unconscious Tweets has the potential to open up a lot more honest conversation in a world suffocated by social cues,” Twitter Co-Founder Jack Dorsey said in the company’s official statement.
This release was followed by the first Unconscious Tweet, also from Dorsey:
Each tweet sent using Unconscious Tweets is automatically tagged with #ut at the end of the message. User reviews since the release have been mixed.
Some, including San Francisco resident and programmer Abe Forworth, are enjoying their flow of consciousness being automatically displayed on Twitter, “It actually ends up saving me a lot of time during the day. Typing Tweets by hand used to take forever. Plus this is more honest, more from the heart. You just have to get used to the occasional, er, weird one.”
Some of Forworth’s recent tweets include:
Others have expressed concern for what some consider to be an invasion of their most private thoughts.
“I had never actually tried this Twitter thing before,” said former President of the United States George W. Bush while speaking over the phone with The Daily Orb, “but my buddy Ted [Nugent] said I should give it a go. So I did. Probably shouldn’t have though. Heh.”
As we later learned, former President Bush had managed to acquire a Google Thought unit and had his 8 year old grandson navigate the 1-step Twitter sign-up process he described as “kinda confusing”.
Having unknowingly activated the Unconscious Tweets feature while trying to change his profile photo to “this cool picture of Jesus wearin’ an American bandana”, the former President’s account was active for a full 72 hours before a member of his PR staff was notified and promptly deleted the account.
Despite being active for 72 hours, the President’s account managed only a single tweet which coincided with the airing of Tyler Perry’s newest sitcom on TBS and has since made national headlines. The tweet read just 7 words:
In the minutes following, rap star Kanye West’s Twitter account exploded:
The Orb will continue coverage of Unconscious Tweets feature over the next several months.