Rapper B.o.B rescued after failed attempt to prove world is flat

Photo by Daniel Gregory

KEY WEST, FLORIDA – Rapper Bobby Ray Simmons (more commonly known as B.o.B) nearly drowned on Thursday in Key West after attempting to “swim off the face of the earth.”

Witnesses say that the musician had been lounging on the beach for a few hours, intermittently muttering “B.o.B played the guitar” to himself, before entering the water and swimming in a straight line without looking back.

Simmons was found 100 meters from the shore by vacationers who noticed his head bobbing up and down before finally sinking. He was pulled onto the boat of Eduardo Martinez, where the 44-year-old father of two performed CPR.

Sources have confirmed that the rapper is now in Lower Keys Medical Center, where he is in stable condition.

Although B.o.B’s agent was not available for comment, many who are close to him believe the stunt was linked to the backlash stemming from his comments in 2016 that the world is flat.  At the time, his assertion was ridiculed by thousands, with even renowned astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson weighing in to address the falsity of his claim.

Simmons’ career since took a nosedive. He lost his record deal later in 2016 and has since gained over 100 pounds. He has spent the past few years writing the background music for car dealership commercials produced by and starring the middle-aged white men who own the dealerships.

James Quinton, a childhood friend of the rapper’s told The Daily Orb that he believed B.o.B was trying to save his career.

“He still believes the world is flat and probably thought he could get his life back if he proved us wrong by swimming off the face of the earth,” Quinton said.

“The only thing that’s strange to me is that he did it in Key West, which isn’t where someone with that delusion would go to prove themselves,” Quinton added.

“I’m also not sure he thought about what would have happened if he actually swam off the face of the earth, maybe he should have brought a parachute,” he mused.