‘Told ya’ll I’d make the world dope:’ Kanye West on Appointment as Trump’s Secretary of Winning

Photo by David Shankbone

WASHINGTON, DC – Speaking at a press conference on Tuesday in Washington, DC, Kanye West addressed questions related to his recent appointment as Secretary of Winning by President Donald Trump.

“I told ya’ll back in 2016 that I was gonna make the world dope,” West said, “well this is how I plan to do it.”

West was referring to a curious barrage of comments he made via Twitter back in February 2016, when he made the highly unlikely claim that he was $53 million in debt and pleaded to  Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg for a loan. The comments were ridiculed by multiple media outlets, personalities, and businesses at the time, with Pizza Hut UK telling West they would be happy to hire him.

But West’s prayers were later answered when then-Presidential hopeful Donald Trump agreed to provide the rapper with the funds he required, stating that “I don’t really like Black people, but Kanye is a Winner.”

The artist subsequently got his new fashion line IamKanyeIamGod off the ground. The company’s most memorable product was likely a pair of shoes designed by West and made out of plastic cutlery he told citizens to steal from fast food restaurants, in order to “fight waste.” The footwear was worn by no one.

Trump and West were subsequently seen in public together throughout the rest of the former’s campaign, with the rapper giving a historic endorsement speech in Illinois that dramatically turned the tide of the presidential race for the racist business man.

In February 2017, President Trump created the Department of Winning as a way to “rid America of the disease of loserdom” and foster an environment of “winning that will make America great again;” he was criticized by many at the time who said he seemed more concerned with the fake disease of loserdom than the real one of the Zika virus, which has since claimed the lives of thousands of Americans.

Although the new department is still in its preliminary stages, its formation in February 2017 was quickly followed by the arrest of John McCain, who Trump famously called a loser in 2015, former running mate Ted Cruz, who he famously called a pussy in 2016, and any child athlete who has failed to garner an award higher than that of “participant.”

While West’s leadership is an opportunity for the new department to fast track its development, his comments at today’s press conference didn’t give attendees the sense that he was planning anything in particular.

“Reporters kept asking him what his first order of business would be, but he just kept yelling at them saying ‘yall don’t got the anwers!” said Samir Georges, a 34-year-old defense contractor, based in the capital.

“Sometimes I still don’t understand what happened,” lamented Georges, “I mean when I was in growing up Kanye was just a rapper who kept it real, and Donald Trump was a creepy dude who sold expensive ties at Macy’s…..where did we go wrong?”