36-year-old man fishes Jnco shorts out of parents’ attic: ‘I will never miss the boat again’

CLEVELAND, OH — Hector Rodriguez has a brand new Zoom suit.

Those attending a virtual meeting with him these days, may not see a difference in their coworker. Rodriguez is the same average looking man in a shirt and tie, who issues periodic empty statements like “I have nothing to add,” “mm-hmm,” and “ha,” while watching TikTok videos on mute.

But unbeknownst to his coworkers, Rodriguez is wearing a large pair of black jean shorts which reach his ankles when he’s sitting down. The shorts weigh around 40 pounds, while the back pockets are large enough to comfortably hold two hardcover textbooks each.

Rodriguez is wearing Jncos, a clothing company perhaps best known for popularizing jeans and jean shorts of unparalleled size and bagginess during the mid to late 1990s. 

In an interview with the Daily Orb, Rodriguez explained that he is merely getting the jump on the next wave in fashion.

“Go out to any major city today and check out what young people are wearing. BAGGY JEANS! I know they’re just gonna get baggier and baggier. You may think I look dumb now but just wait until Kylie Jenner’s walking the runway in a pair of black Jnco shorts!! I’m gonna be a trendsetter!!”

Rodriguez recently went back to his parent’s house in the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio to fish his Jncos out of the attic. His mother spoke with The Daily Orb about his enthusiasm for the pants, which at times seems eccentric and borderline rageful.

“Well he didn’t get the Jncos until 2005 and by then everyone was already moving to skinny jeans, so I think he’s trying to make up for lost time. I’m just praying no one from his job runs into him on the street.”

For Rodriguez’s part, he’s just getting started.

“I figured out that everything makes a comeback and I will never miss the boat again,” he concluded as he feverishly put in a bid on Ebay for a $964 used Tamagotchi.