Beirut Finally Receives Enough Thoughts & Prayers to Begin Rebuild
BEIRUT, LEBANON – It has been a rough two weeks for the Lebanese people after the historic explosion in the port of Beirut. The tragedy came on the heels of a massive economic meltdown that left many wondering how reconstruction will be funded.
Thankfully, hope has emerged from the fire and ash like a phoenix.
The Lebanese Prime Minister, Hassan Diab announced today that Banque du Liban, the country’s central bank, now has the required funds to start reconstruction thanks to the endless deluge of thoughts and prayers the country has received. At a press conference on Sunday, Diab, holding back tears, said that he never thought this day would arrive so soon and so quickly.
Diab also went over preliminary plans on how thoughts, prayers, and well wishes will be used to commence construction. The foundation of the new port will be strictly funded by thoughts that have rolled-in from North America, Europe, and East Asia, while prayers from the Vatican, Al-Azhar, and Al-Najjaf will serve as the funding mechanism for restoring the port’s building and surrounding neighborhoods.
Speaking with the Daily Orb via email, Dr. Roger Myerson, a Nobel prize winner in economics, said that “this is a prime example of how a completely bankrupt society in the midst of a humanitarian crisis can be assisted with reconstruction and that this new model will disrupt the classical model of using dollars and euros to fund rebuilding efforts.”
A venture capitalist from New York firm, Insight Ventures Partners, weighed in on the revolutionary plans, stating that: “Bitcoin is dead, long live thoughts and prayers. It’s time to jump into this new market. I’m very bullish on its future.”
Given that the thoughts and prayers were primarily “prayers” from religious institutions and followers, it remains to be seen how they will be allocated to the country’s agnostics and atheists.
