Eric Trump shrugs off vote for Biden: ‘No one cares what I do anyway’

President Donald Trump’s son, Eric, has confirmed a media report that he has already cast his vote for his father’s Democratic rival, Joe Biden.

Neither the first born, nor the favorite, and widely perceived in popular culture as a vacuous pile of bricks, the younger Trump’s decision has failed to garner significant attention. 

“The media has made Eric out to be a buffoon starving for his dad’s attention, anything that contradicts that isn’t of interest to us,” said Jennifer Casillas of Entertainment Weekly.

In a written statement on his Medium account that was opened by two people and read by one, Eric Trump explained the rationale for his decision.

“Everyone thinks I’m a dumbass, but that has typically provided me with the cover I need to make my own decisions every once in a while.”

Trump goes on to share that this is not the first time he exploited the cover of being a mindless git to make surprising decisions, citing his votes for Barack Obama in 2008 and 2012, and “man crush” on Last Week Tonight’s John Oliver.

Speaking with the Daily Orb over the phone on Tuesday, Trump brushed off the low readership of his Medium post. “People thought I was dumb and uninvolved so they didn’t give a shit. Now I’ve told the truth, and they still don’t give a shit. It’s fine. I know that no one cares what I do anyway. So yeah…Biden for president”

Speaking from the Rose Garden on Wednesday, President Trump expressed little concern over what CNN reporter Jim Acosta — the only reporter in any corner of the globe that seemed remotely interested in the story — described as his son’s “betrayal.”

“Eric is a good kid, a beautiful kid. He’s a good kid. Am I worried? No I”m not worried, he probably made a mistake that invalidated his ballot anyway. So am I worried? No I’m not worried. He’s a beautiful kid.”

For Eric Trump’s part, he doesn’t expect his Biden vote to change much about his life.

“When your friends and enemies both think you’re dumb, you really don’t have much to worry about.”