DALLAS, TEXAS – After years of insistence, Texas has finally convinced heat and electricity to no longer mess with it.
Tired of the constant badgering, both heat and electricity said they had had just about enough of the Lone Star state’s pompous claims that they don’t need anyone else’s help and decided to use last week’s historic cold and winter weather to make an example.
Texans across the state were without heat and electricity for days during what were the coldest temperatures in over seventy years.
“You know what? I just finally got tired of it,” said heat in a Daily Orb exclusive.
“For years all Texas has talked about was how they’re so strong by themselves and everyone needs to be an individual, blah blah blah. HOW ABOUT NOW TEXAS?? HUH? YOU LIKE THAT??”
“Sorry, I get heated sometimes,” heat continued.
Electricity shared heat’s frustration and thus agreed to no longer mess with Texas.
“I’ve been wanting to connect to my brothers’ and sisters’ grids in Louisiana, New Mexico and Oklahoma for years now! Yet good ‘ol Texas decides it’s best to put themselves on an island, in the middle of a damn continent. I’d like to think that this will teach some kind of lesson but you know what? I’m just so cynical these days, you know? Ugh, I can’t even. I’m gonna blow a circuit if I continue. Feel me?”
Jackets and shovels had decided to not mess with Texas long ago and were unavailable for comment.