COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO – In an effort to make amends for what was a brutally unproductive morning on the evening of a massive client presentation, local marketing consultant Thomas Miller has decided that the best course of action to right the ship is to consider his options while playing a few hours of Zelda on Nintendo.
“Look, I thought about this deeply while reading a Vox think piece on relaxation’s impact on productivity and I really think that what my productivity needs right now is some Zelda,” said Miller, who had yet to change out of his sweatpants.
Mr Miller’s boss, Evelyn Palmer, has a different take.
“Uh yeah we’re probably going to fire Thomas. He’s been worthless since we all started working from home. He consistently streams his video game progress on Twitch and they pretty much exclusively happen between the hours of 11AM and 4PM. And yet somehow he’s convinced himself that he’s a gift to me and the organization,” she said.
Miller claims that this time spent relaxing is actually benefitting his employer.
“Look man, there are tons of studies that show a clear connection between relaxation and increased productivity. So I’m just trying to max out the productivity via relaxation. It makes perfect sense and I’m really doing Evelyn and the company a favor,” he said.
Shaking her head Ms. Palmer responded, “Fuck these millennials. Seriously. They find one study that vaguely supports their shitty life choices and they take it as permission to permanently act like a douche.”
“Look,” Mr. Miller concluded, “I’m just following the science man…and this next quest. Gotta go.”
He was fired this morning.