OMAHA, NEBRASKA – Over a year into the COVID-19 pandemic, local man Tommy Mergood was shocked to learn that people could indeed smell his farts through their face coverings. He described the devastating revelation.
“I was standing in line at the grocery store and, per usual, just let one rip. I had started letting them fly in public as soon as everyone started wearing masks last year. Really thought it was a blessing-in-disguise because I didn’t think anyone could smell it! Let alone think it was me. Turns out I was mistaken,” said Mr. Mergood.
In this particular circumstance, a young girl stood ahead of Mr. Mergood in the grocery store line with her mother. Upon his gaseous release, the masked little girl turned around and reportedly said, “EWWWW!” while pointing directly at him.
“At first it was more shock than anything else, which then immediately turned to embarrassment but then my natural reaction was to blame it on the old guy behind me. He’s the most likely suspect for public farting, right? So I started looking around as if to join the search for the fart offender. I even made eye contact with the little girl, rolled my eyes toward the poor old guy and did a little hand wave in front of my masked face as if to blow away the fart smell,” said Mr. Mergood.
“I don’t feel good about what happened but more so I’m a little devastated that farting in public is over for me,” concluded Mr. Mergood, “It was fun while it lasted. Guess I should stop eating Taco Bell for breakfast.”