RAIFORD, FLORIDA – As the 2020 President Election draws closer, a local man is once again looking forward to the prospect of voting against his self-interest.
“I’m counting down the days!” said Thomas Milliner, “The rush of getting in that polling booth and ticking the box next to those politicians who I know are going to completely swindle me over the next four years – there really isn’t anything like it!”
Mr. Milliner was kind enough to comment on a few of the policies that had a special place in his life.
“Could I have used health care coverage when I needed to have my diabetic foot amputated? Sure, now I’m both crippled and in crippling debt. And did I think it was weird when my taxes went up after that big ‘tax cut’ a couple years back? Sure but money doesn’t trickle-down right away, right? I don’t really understand economics but I think that’s how it works” he continued.
“And did my parents die of COVID after being assured they didn’t need masks? Sure. And did I lose my job during the lockdown and haven’t gotten an unemployment check in 3 months because Florida gutted their system? Well technically, it’s 3.5 months but sure, yes.”
“And do I have the reading level of an 8-year-old? Sure but that’s not the government’s fault it’s the school’s fault! And does my son have PTSD after serving in Afghanistan years after the troops were supposed to be pulled out? Sure but I’m sure he’ll straighten up one day.”
Asked if he had anything he’d like to communicate directly to the candidate he’ll be casting his vote for, Mr. Milliner said, “My asshole is greased and I’m ready for ya big boys! Come take me!”