HARRISONBURG, VIRGINIA – This week, a local man has finally decided to initiate the removal of a back tattoo he obtained during college. It reads “Corona 4 Life”.
Matt Eggers, a thirty six year-old husband and father of three girls, regrets that the incident ever happened.
“Well, we were down in Panama City for Spring Break back in ’04 and I was riding a high after spending the night duping bartenders with my awful fake ID,” said Mr. Eggers, who is now an accountant and serves as a member of his daughter’s PTA, “So to celebrate, I thought it would be a great idea to commemorate the beer I kept getting served all night. Which just happened to share a name with the virus currently ravaging our planet.”
The tattoo portrays a frothy bottle of Corona Light sitting between two enlarged bosoms in the shade of a palm tree, the scene encapsulated by the now-infamous tagline “Corona 4 Life”.
Mr. Eggers says that he has had to refrain from participating in family activities at the beach and pool over the years out of a concern that he may “inappropriately influence” his daughters’ perception of him.
“Funny thing is, it also turns out I’m allergic to gluten and can’t even drink Corona,” he said, “So, yeah. Fuck me, right?”