ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA – An exclusive time-travel interview with local man Delroy Miller’s younger self has revealed the extreme disappointment the 19-year-old feels for his future self’s conversational interests. The exclusive interview unfortunately took a turn for the ugly after tensions rose.
“I just honestly never thought I’d be that guy who talked about mortgage refinancing at his friend’s son’s first birthday party,” said the younger Delroy, “And liked it.”
The elder Delroy admits that after fighting these feelings of what he calls “adulthood” throughout his 20s, he has welcomed them with open arms in his fourth decade on earth and is now a calmer, more collected version of himself.
“Look I’m starting to learn that you like different things at different points in your life. When I was young Delroy’s age I loved me some Natural Light. Ugh, I know, gross. I’m celiac now anyway.”
“You’re what?” interrupted young Delroy.
“Celiac. I guess that wasn’t a thing when I or, er, we were in college,” responded elder Delroy.
“So you’re telling me we don’t even crush Nattys anymore?? Like not even on Sunday Fundays??” said younger Delroy, exasperated.
“Oh friend. Sundays are now typically when I sleep in, usually until about 7:30”
“Like 7:30 at night?”
Elder Delroy ignores the question, “Then Meredith and I usually walk down to the coffee shop and drink it walking through the park.”
“We married Meredith??“
“Yes, we married Meredith.”
“Even after that shit she pulled at Kevin’s party?”
“You know what? I think we’re done here.”
“Wait, wait chill. Geeze we got sensitive too, I guess.”
“I’ll have you know that Meredith stopped drinking Southern Comfort after that incident. People are more than their college mistakes young man.”
“Well that mistake was happening all over the floor of Kevin’s party, ya feel me??”
Elder Delroy lunges for younger Delroy and the interview ends.