Tony Stark, of Stark Industries, said his team was crushed last week when they learned that the Democratic National Committee scratched plans to outfit President-Elect Joseph R. Biden Jr. in a bionic suit, known as the Bidensuit, in favor of cryogenically freezing him until inauguration.
“Freeze him? Really? They want to freeze him. Freezing him only gets him to inauguration. The Bidensuit will keep him alive through the end of his term. My team literally just added a canister of fish oil tablets!”
While DNC chair, Tom Perez acknowledges the banality of this new approach, he said it turned out to be a necessity after poll results showed that 70 percent of Republicans have chosen to believe President Trump’s false claims of election fraud.
“Joe Biden is a good and decent man. But he’s also 78 and would likely fall over if he was too close to a five-year-old blowing out his birthday candles. With the coronavirus raging and a violent pack of 70 million enraged sheep out for his head, we’ve got no room for error.”
Perez went on to explain that his party typically looks for the simplest solutions to enduring problems.
“We’ve got the technology to freeze him; what we don’t have is the effort and mental aptitude to make a smarter decision that addresses the long term nature of this problem. The Bidensuit was an interesting idea but it was just a little too radical for us.”
The former Vice President and President-Elect is expected to dine with his family in his Delaware home in his inauguration speech outfit on Thanksgiving before being cryogenically frozen through the morning of January 20th.
When asked how Biden could possibly survive the next four years if these upcoming two months required such drastic measures, Stark demurred.
“The future?! What do these idiots know or care about the future. First it was “just get him elected,’ now it’s “just keep him alive til January 20th,” I can tell you right now that I have no plans of making another one of these for Kamala Harris when that moment comes!”
Starks comments were made just before he stormed off from inside the Bidensuit which he’s decided to keep as a future gift for himself on his 75th birthday.