WASHINGTON, DC – As the November 3rd election draws ever closer, the pressure has shifted to the Oval Office.
With Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden’s selection of Senator Kamala Harris as his running mate, the onus is now on President Donald Trump to produce a degrading nickname for the Senator from California.
Despite having a nearly flawless track record of skillfully crafting nicknames for his opponents that reflect both the wit of a child and the ignorance of a seasoned bigot, the President has reportedly been struggling to pinpoint one for Senator Harris.
“Well to start he’s legitimately scared of her,” said a source from within the White House, “Not like scared that she’ll beat him in the election-type scared, but scared that she will literally beat the shit out of him if he pisses her off. This is definitely new.”
Senator Harris, who is the second Black woman and the first Indian-American woman to serve in the United States Senate in addition to serving two terms as California Attorney General, provides President Trump the unique challenge of being the most overqualified Vice Presidential candidate in history.
“It’s definitely a toughy. The safe bet is that he’ll go the sexist route and start calling her ‘Nasty Kamala’ or something, which would of course be funny because Bloomberg and all the other men said the same shit and no one is calling them nasty” the source continued, referring to Harris’ cutting remarks towards Biden during a Democratic debate.
“But, as we all should have learned by now, Donny isn’t one for safe bets. Who’s to say he doesn’t go with something racist right in the middle of the largest race protests in our nation’s history. Now that would be Donald Trump.”