LONDON, ENGLAND – Just days after the final internment of her husband of over 70 years, rumors are swirling over whispers that Queen Elizabeth II could be featured on the next season of the hit reality show The Bachlorette.
“I may have thrown my hat in the ring,” said the coy, newly single Queen with a cheeky smile, “After 70 years of stodgy love-making I thought I’d take this opportunity to explore my options. Sew my wild oats a little bit, if you know what I mean,” she said while winking.
“All of these boys on the tele shows are just so good looking! I didn’t think men were made that way. I mean here I am, having dealt with a male body equivalent of a cold, soggy bowl of oatmeal when I could have been having prime rib every night. Let me tell you, I plan on eating up,” she said, winking again.
“And just to clarify, by winking I mean I hope to engage in sexual relations.”
Interest in being featured on the show has reportedly skyrocketed with many current and former celebrities hoping to improve their fortunes by gaining the favor of the “Queen Cougar,” as she’s now being called.
Among many others, Gary Busey, Terrell Owens, Macaulay Culkin and even that guy from Dawson’s Creek have applied to be contestants.
“Oh I’m very fond of Terrell Owens,” said the Queen when alerted to this list of potential suitors, “His body deserves its own coronation if you catch my reference! Oh (giggles) I’m bad,” she said while winking.