Republican Senator launches National Association for the Advancement of Neanderthal People

Senate Republican Josh Hawley of Missouri is at the center of a new rights group initiative that he says will offer long-needed protections for one of America’s “most prominent ethnicities.”
Hawley, who recently raised a Black power fist to a deranged mob of White supremacists that violently broke into the US Capitol building, is the founder of the National Association for the Advancement of Neanderthal People, or the NAANP.
The junior senator says the idea was inspired by a recent comment by President Joe Biden, who described decisions by Texas and Mississippi to resume business as usual amid a pandemic as “Neanderthal thinking.”
“I’m proud to be of Neanderthal lineage,” Hawley said. “If we are going to start paying attention to people’s pronouns and giving Blacks handouts, then it’s time we started standing up for ourselves too.”
Hawley said the initiative is no different from others that responded to justified, fact-based calls for human rights long-denied to oppressed communities.
“Yeah, just like White Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, What about men, him as well, White is Right, and Nazism. If you want special protections just because you’re Black and discriminated against, then we want special ones too on account of not being those things.”
When reminded that ‘Neanderthals” are not an ethnicity due to the way evolution works, Hawley balked.
“If Neanderthals aren’t an ethnicity then monkeys aren’t either,” he said. “And I think they both are due to evolution, so yes, MLM, Monkey Lives Matter.”
The Senator added that he believes evolution is a hoax.