Rise in illegal border crossings linked to surge in international ladder sales
EL PASO, TEXAS – What was once posited by former President Donald Trump as a “definite, 100,000% guaranteed, I promise” way of keeping illegal immigrants from crossing the country’s southern border, has instead turned into a boon for one lucky industry; ladders.
Recent quarterly reports from multinational ladder manufacturers have shown an explosion in sales in Latin America. We talked to Tammy Fleischman, head lobbyist for the International Ladder Society (ILS), about the recent surge.
“Our plan is actually coming together quite nicely,” said Ms. Fleischman with an ominous grin, “We dumped millions into getting former President Trump elected under the full expectation that he would push his stupid wall. Why you ask? Because these poor folks ain’t going to free climbing those things! And that’s where we come in.” She continued to laugh deviously for over a minute.
Asked whether she thought their actions were ethical, Ms. Fleischman scoffed, “Ethics?!?! I’m a LOBBYIST bucko. I’m here for one reason and one reason only; to pad the pockets of the soulless bastards that employed this soulless bastard. Next question?”
There were no more questions and the article graciously came to an end.
