AVALON, NJ – Local woman Lacey D’Agastino is speaking out, offering a solution to what she views as one of the core issues with the United States’ response to their COVID-19 pandemic.
“I really don’t understand,” said D’Agastino on an Instagram story in between sips of a White Claw Hard Seltzer in front of what appeared to be a private infinity pool overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, “why everyone just doesn’t go to their parent’s beach houses.”
“There’s been so much ugliness direct at Mr. Trump and I just don’t know if it’s fair. Daddy says it’s Obama’s fault,” she continued.
Ms. D’Agastino, a resident of New York City who has been inhabiting her parent’s beach house in Avalon, New Jersey since April, claims she is simply concerned with the well-being of the country as a whole.
“We all just have to do our part to flatten the curve,” she continued, “Like for example I’ve been wearing my own shot glass around my neck at the club. You have to do your part.”
With so many cases now popping up in landlocked mid-western like South Dakota and Indiana, Ms. D’Agastino has a clear messages for the residents.
“Look there’s a time to stay in your country houses but this isn’t it! Mom says she’s thinking about selling ours anyway. But its time for everyone to move to the beach. It’s so much safer here. Kissy face.”